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leslea

Let Me Love thy Book

I kinda like to read and I kinda like to write. It's an ongoing thing. 20. English major. Complete critic.
Stalk Me - Jillian Dodd

“I really don’t think there’s anything she could do or say that would change people’s opinion of you. You don’t chase the spotlight, Keatyn. You never had to. The spotlight chases you.” ”


I don't understand how things like this get published, even if they're self published. And the amount of people that like characters like Keatyn? Not only is she the typical bitch, but she's just not a good person in general, no matter how many special snowflake things she has about her.

You know in the classic books how every character has a catchphrase or something said before their name? ‘Ohmigawd’ is literally Keatyn’s catchphrase. She says it more than thirty times throughout a little over 300 page book. It wouldn't be so infuriating if she didn't say other things like 'oh my gosh!' all the time. Her expansive vocabularly and dialect is really shining here.

But more about this speshul snowflake! She’s five foot nine, blonde hair and changes her eye color from perfect blue to perfect green with colored contacts that she hardly ever wears. BUT WAIT! They’re purplish-blue! Wow, what a speshul little girl we have here.

“I have a little routine. As soon as I get there, I down three shots. Then I drink water the rest of the night and dance my ass off.”

Oh so smart, Keatyn. You’re just going to have to pee for the rest of the night because this is not how alcohol leaves your system.

Her parents don't help at all either. I thought maybe it was because of the environment that she was raised in with a famous mother and a stepdad, but I can't even see that shining through.

“It’s very sweet of you to help him, honey, but I gotta say, players can be fun.” She gives Tommy her sexy smile and kisses his neck.”

Great. Teach your daughter to immerse herself with bad behavior. Just like her life goal was to be popular, maybe now her other goal will be to get screwed over. Between the two pages, her mother is saying to have fun with a player, and then not to have sex in high school. How does that make any sense?

Friendship:

What friendship? Vanessa is the typical whore-y friend archetype, she wants Sander and always had but god forbid he wanted the all so speshul Keatyn.

“Doesn’t surprise me. He’s about the only boy left at school that she hasn’t slept with.” She laughs. “Like, I’m not calling her a slut or anything; it’s just a fact.”

Even nice(er?) RiAnne is bitching about her own friend. These three are absolutely the worst “friends” I’ve ever heard of. Enough of the bitchy backstabbing and stealing eachothers boyfriends! Can’t there be real women with real friendships, or is this reality just too hard to ask for?

Her friends become pissed that she breaks up with Sander even when she’s expressed she didn’t have chemistry with him. It’s unbelievable how supportive these girls are. Supportive enough to suggest she should sit at another table.

“Instead of pondering that, why don’t you think about this? How are you going to feel if I tell everyone your relationship with Sander was a sham? How are you going to feel when I tell people that you’re probably really a lesbian, and that’s why you’ve never found a guy to fuck you. People will believe it. You are on the soccer team.”

Lovely. You play sports Keatyn, you must be a lesbian. Everyone will believe it!!



Romance:

Highly unbelievable. Keatyn is perfect, lives in Malibu, and her father proceeds to tell her that all males want is to get in a girl’s pants. That’s another great message from an authority figure. It’s also not hard to tell that there’s going to be a love triangle in this story. Brooklyn, the sexy privileged surfer, or Cush, the sexy privileged player?

It also bothered me that there’s so many instances in YA where the girl’s bothered about being seduced and hit on, yet Keatyn literally tries to take down Sander’s pants and she’s upset when he gets mad? Girl, just because he doesn’t go to church doesn’t mean he doesn’t have beliefs. That’s life.

“I want to scream at him. Where are the fireworks? Where is the passion? You are the FUCKING PROM KING! It’s PROM NIGHT!! The night every red-blooded American male is expected to drink too much, take their date to a hotel, and have sex!!!”

Or maybe Keatyn, your boyfriend has a little respect.

All this time when Sander’s just sitting here, she’s grinding on Cush, she’s making made up movie scripts in her head about Brooklyn, and her level of desperation is hitting an all time high. It’s rather depressing to read that the Malibu Barbie that has all the guys fawning over her can’t just take a second for herself.

“You smell salty,” he says. “Like the ocean." He leans closer to me and licks up the side of my face. “You taste salty too. Maybe I should grab a bottle of tequila and we should have some fun.” He moves his eyebrows up and down. “What do you say? We’ll do some shots and I’ll lick you all over.” … “And lick me?” I say, like it’s the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. But I’m so lying. The thought of someone like Cush licking me everywhere makes me feel very hot. ”



Wow, I can totally feel my panties dripping. If this is foreplay now, please leave me out of it.

I think the best is, between Cush, Sander and Brooklyn, she flirts with them all. All of them. Even when she’s broken up with Sander. Let us not forget Brooklyn’s best one liner of the entire book, either:

“His mouth finds his way to my ear, and he whispers poetically, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” ”

Great. Wonderful. TURNED ON. IT’S KEATS FOR HIS KEATS!!!

But wait! Cush loves her too!

“I know that I usually don’t treat girls all that well myself, but you’re different. You’ve always been different.”

You hear that, Vanessa? Keatyn is SPESHUL. Just like her name.



And Vincent is the classic case of glamorizing an age gap. Seriously?! He’s in his late twenties and she’s sixteen. It’s illegal and honestly a little creepy to read about her fawning over this guy that’s playing her for a movie.

All of Keatyn’s relationships play out the same. The boy tells her he loves her after two days and then he breaks up with her. Brooklyn didn’t text her back, Cush accused her of ruining her life and hopefully Sander is off somewhere having fun and being a reasonable human being. Everything is all over the place and the plot doesn’t even make sense, along with the plot twist you can see from a mile away.

Trust me. Don't finish this book. Don't download it for free like I did. Just don't do it.